The colleagues we have all had at sometime or another….

So a friend of mine recently wrote a post about all those annoying people that make you want to give up on that whole working malarkey and retreat to a cave forever and it was a very good read! And it made me think, maybe I should try writing one from my experiences ! SO here it goes…

The boss everyone hates…  So its your first day of a new job and you’re pretty eager to just get started and knuckle down (which you do for period of time.. then back to normality!) and everyone is introducing themselves to you and making small talk. Yet you keep hearing the same thing.. “have you met Gregg yet, the manager? Ah man you don’t want to!”. Wait, Gregg? the lovely guy who interviewed ME?! Nooooo… they must have the wrong guy. He’s far too nice to be this cruel man everyone is making him out to be! They must be wrong! And guess what? They’re fucking RIGHT. Of course he’s lovely to you for the first few days, you’re new. You’re doing what you can to get in every ones good books ( more than likely on a three month probation ) then his true colours shine and you become one of those employees you were calling a week before for being judgemental little *****.

The over sexualised predator… I think majority of females have encountered this one! The guy that struts round the workplace like he is gods gift and flirts with everything that has boobs. My own personal experience of this was from an engaged man around six years older than myself typing crude messages about “favourite positions” to me as we were both serving customers. Not only is it ridiculously inappropriate (and no woman likes a openly unfaithful man!) but its unwanted and makes work more awkward than it already is, and that’s already pushing it! His fiance found out and messaged me APOLOGISING because he does this “all the time”. Somehow said guy received a promotion after I left and still works there today… These males need shooting!!

The joker… Ah you know the one!  Always has a name like “Daniel” or “Craig”. Cracking jokes about things that aren’t funny in the slightest yet because he said it it seems funny. Just the way they word everything sounds hilarious and you pray they are there on your arrival.. because it will be a half decent shift if they are. And you got to admit, working in a warehouse with a joker is damn funny!! My favourite memory being us getting in a tote on wheels and having a race from top to bottom, using an industrial brush as an “ore”.  The best part is, when it comes to serving customers you would never of guessed they were just a little bit mental. “BAHAHAHAHA .. – .. can I help you sir?”

The daddy… my “work daddy” was a sixty something man from India whose face just lit up the whole room. Whenever he saw me he grinned like a Cheshire cat and held his arms wide open to me for a hug! Work daddies are literally every ones adopted father ( though you get fiercely over protective – “er no I think you’ll find he is my dad…” ) and ALWAYS ends up giving one of his many children a lift home. If you need someone to rant to about how Celine is being a uptight bitch today he is there.

The stuck up cow… In the middle of explaining what an amazing night you had the night before, Miss Celine definitely had a better night than you did. She met Mark Wright, she went to Thailand, won the lottery, had a baby, bought a house and became a doctor all in the same night you went to Nottingham with a couple of friends. These “Celines” of the workplace have everything better than you and do not hesitate to brag about it.. but of course.. that’s why they’re still working for £6.50 an hour in the local Waitrose.

The “nobody”… these are the colleagues that have powers. Literally! They’ll be there one second and BOOM they’re gone! These people don’t really interact with anybody, they prefer to just go to work to work and don’t really take part in anything. Especially the christmas work do, theyre definitely not down for that ! And that’s okay ! But it does make you wonder.. The quiet ones are the ones to watch out for right ? 😑


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