What to expect from a two year old

So my daughter turned two in February! Yaaaay… The terrible twos have struck and they have struck HARD. I find have been asking other parents as well as my own mother “do all toddlers do this? or is she just especially naughty?” A LOT recently (turns out its a bit of both) and nothing could have prepared me for this age! When she was newborn I thought that would be the hardest part, oh how very wrong I was! Here are just a few  (possibly more than a few)  things to expect from the terrible twos!!

Physical Abuse
“Awww shes actually sitting still! This cuddle is so sweet.. my baby is so adora-“SMACK. Head but to the face and THERE we go that’s more like the girl I know!! Toddlers can’t sit still to save their lives. You will get bruises (mainly accidental, but it doesn’t stop them from hurting!) they do not have any knowledge of surroundings and if they get excited about Sofia the first being on TV you’re going to get a right hook to the face.

Tantrums
Okay so fairly obvious right? What kid doesn’t have their tantrums! Apparently mine were so epic people still ask my mum about them to this day.. so I’m getting what I gave I guess! My own daughters epic tantrums right now are about taking off her Anna (frozen) dress. She will wear them forever I have to force her to take it off as it needs washing so desperately! They are so huge I have actually incurred some damage to my ears ( HONESTLY ) Her grandad came home mid tantrum and came rushing in thinking she had seriously hurt herself and there she was screeching throwing herself about the room shouting ANNA!! I’m sorry baby but you cant go to nursery in a food/mud/sick/pee/paint stained dress.

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Dinner in public
Does anyone else have to SERIOUSLY prepare for taking your toddler out for dinner in public? I need to take extra nappies (because they pee for England in public I swear), lollipops, games, crayons, Woody and Jessie come along for the trip too!  As when they start as any parent knows you need to bring the circus out to make them happy. My boyfriend and I always have the “is she in a good mood?” chat before we even think about going out for dinner. Our last outing consisted of being a small quiet Italian cafe.. did not go down well.

Eating food in general
They don’t eat. Maybe its just my daughter? but she does not eat! Her breakfasts consist of the most random concoctions because she is SO fussy I will do absolutely anything to get some nutrition into her little body. PLEASE eat your bacon, grapes and dry chocolate hoops!!
As for you, good luck cooking dinner. and good luck eating dinner. You will understand.

Birthday suit
They want to be naked. Don’t care where, when, why, who they like being naked. Them running around your living room swinging their nappy above their head bare bum is acceptable but when they try it in public you have to draw the line (and cue a tantrum. )

Lack of understanding
Their speech is amazing its incredible how well and fast it comes along and how intelligent they are!! Even so, they still do not understand a lot in general and it frustrates both you and them. “mommy, chocolate?” she asks while her healthy home-made lasagne sits rights before her. She just does not understand why she has to eat her dinner before her chocolate (cue tantrum/cue lasagne stained walls)

Chasing
Ughhhh family barbeque tomorrow… will not be consisting of sitting down, eating some grub, interacting with all of your relations, getting a wee bit tipsy then heading off home at 1am happy and contended. It will chasing your toddler around the garden shouting “don’t climb that! don’t touch that! come over here please!! Don’t throw that…!! get off uncle Jim’s leg!!” repeatedly moving them off of chairs they’re so eager to catapult off resulting in you going home at 9pm getting in your PJs to relax. Who needs a gym membership?!

Showering
As gross as it sounds I do not shower as much as I would like to. Showering I have to put a film on (usually frozen) in Esme’s room, check for anything possibly dangerous or something she could destroy in every room and move them, tell her I’m going for a shower and listen. I must get out of the shower every ten seconds or so when she goes deathly quiet (what is she doing? she’s far too quiet..  I should check)running across the landing in my soapy naked glory for all to see is not very nice! And exhausting taking triple the amount of time it should take. I miss the days i could just out her in her bouncer next to the bath and keep an eye on her!

Bomb-Site house
It doesn’t matter how many times you tidy that living room, in thirty seconds its going to be a complete mess again. I tell myself this on a daily basis yet I still tidy the thing up every single time! Accept it Zoe, accept that pile of toys/food/pillows/chairs/bottles in all its glory, it’s not going to go away any time soon.

Bedtime
Some parents get lucky and their children sleep through from 8 weeks old. CHERISH THIS. Unluckily my daughter suffers with night terrors, and generally hates sleep anyway. She will finally pass out around 11.30pm and wake up screaming every hour or so, sometimes lasting hours (this is generally, no night terrors included here!) She sleeps a LITTLE better in my own bed so now and again I cave and let her get into my bed with me. Remember the physical abuse we talked about? It happens at night too. Get used to having those tiny feet embedding themselves into your ribs and face at full force!

I love my daughter more than anything in the world! Her smile is everything that I live for and would do absolutely anything to make her completely happy with life!!! Raising a child is hard, its going to be! But honestly her little face, smile, everything makes all of it so worth it as hard as it is!!

Does your toddler do anything that drives you crazy? Are they well behaved ? What do they do that makes you happy?
I hope you enjoyed reading! Thank you!!

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